Some days you feel like you’re on top of the world. Like anything you do or say is pure gold. Other days…well…you feel like nothing could go right. And I mean nothing. But, through it all – the ups and downs, rivers and valleys – you have to muster that inner strength. That part of your core, which provides you with courage and determination.
It’s not easy sometimes. Because your brain and heart like to play combat. Your common sense tells you “hey man, suck it up. you’ll get up again. this won’t last.” And then your heart is telling your brain to shut up. Because it’s suffered too much. And it just wants to recoil into a shell…and rest for a moment. Maybe for a few moments.
But we don’t have time for that. This world we live in moves at such speed. Such intensity. That we can’t let our guards down for a second. Because if we do – someone or something will pounce on our weakness. Listen. I firmly believe that most of us are good and decent people. But, even good and decent people act a little “off” every once and awhile, and they do or say things that are way out of character.
So, you truly have to ready for anything in this world. You have to be…Strong.
Two years ago, my wife and I moved to Los Angeles from NYC. It was an exciting move. But it came with plenty of anxiety. Where was I going to work? Was I going to make enough money to support us? Will I float off into the ocean after the “great earthquake” strikes California? Will the California sun burn my Irish skin into oblivion? All sorts of stuff running through my brain.
Luckily, I found work. Good work (mostly). I started doing stand-up comedy, taking screenwriting classes at UCLA, and networking. Trying to meet people in the “industry” (that’s LA speak for the entertainment industry.) But I couldn’t dedicate enough time to doing all that.
Because our family grew — our first and only child – for now 🙂 – was born in July 2013. My priorities completely shifted. My family was THE priority. Holding that little girl in my arms melted my heart, and I knew going from that day forward, taking care of my daughter was my life’s purpose.
My emotions and brain were running wild with thoughts and feelings. All of which can be boiled down to one central question – “Oh man, how do I raise a kid?” … And do it well.
It’s almost a year and a half later, and it’s going awesome. Better than I could have ever imagined. But, I am still torn with my work world. I have this goal of writing for the rest of my life. I still want to be a lawyer too… but I really want to focus on doing both. And doing them both well.
And I want to write everything – stories, web content, blogs, screenplays, cartoons, TV shows. All of it. I love doing it all. I’ve been getting hired lately to actually do some writing. That – in itself – makes me elated. But, it’s not enough at this point to sustain a lifestyle that my family and I have been accustomed.
So I still have to continue doing my regular “day job” as an attorney. But by doing that. It drastically cuts into my writing time. And writing is a skill you have to do all the time.
And, I mean. All. The. Time.
So, today, I had this moment where I felt beaten down. I’ve been putting all this work into my writing, yet, I am still so far from my goal. But, I can’t give up. Got to be strong. And push through the self-doubt.
Life is funny. You can feel like you have it all figured out one day. Then, the next day, you realize you don’t have anything figured out. But, regardless of the fluctuations in your viewpoint, you have to stay committed to your goal. Whatever that goal may be.
Dig deep inside. Find that confidence. Find that character. And find that strength. Because you know it’s there.
Have a great weekend everyone!