…people pleasing… (and the perils of)

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We all know the old adage that “you can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself.”

And that’s true. To an extent.

I mean. You can’t just always only think of your own needs. You have people who count on you. Family. Friends. Your dog. Whoever it may be. You need to please them as well.

So… I’m positive that what the saying is trying to convey is….that you cannot constantly worry about making everyone else happy. Sometimes –  you need to just focus on making yourself happy.

One of the many dangers in trying to please everyone…all the time…is that you never truly have an opportunity to understand yourself. Because you are constantly shifting your views to accommodate those in your life. And you wind up pleasing no one in the end.

Here’s a perfect example. I started this blog a few months ago. And what I write… varies. Sometimes I write heartfelt pieces. Other times, I’ll write a silly article. Or I’ll even publish articles that are only photographs.

I  have started to notice that I have different audiences for different things. Some people really dig my pieces in which I talk about feelings, and the human condition. Other people like my funny stuff.  And so on.

One of the many things that I contemplate on a daily basis is whether I should stick to one theme on my blog, and just only publish pieces on that. And…in the end…cater to that particular audience.

But…

Then it hits me. We are…who we are. And we do… what we do. I like to change things up. For myself and for whoever enjoys following my articles. It’s fun to explore different mediums of expression. Who knows. Maybe I will publish one of my poems on here.

My point is this. If I was worried about pleasing everyone that reads my blog, I would go insane. So, instead. I please myself by putting out work that I am proud of. That I put time and effort into. And that I truly want others to enjoy. I like reaching other people, and having a positive effect on them.

Most of us probably don’t wake up in the morning and say to ourselves “hmm, let me aggravate everyone I interact with today.”  Rather, we probably want to go about our life in the least confrontational way possible. But, sometimes, strife and conflict will arise. And it’s unavoidable. We aren’t always going to see eye to eye on everything with the people in our lives. Instead of engaging in the conflict, we will often let things go, and pick our battles.

And that’s fine. But to always cater to their needs, and their wants is not the right method. When you are overly cautious in your approach with people, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  You can’t always worry about whether this guy is happy with what you said, or whether she is annoyed at what you didn’t say. Because in the end. You will eventually wind up never pleasing yourself. And you’ll feel utter disappointment because you are always holding back who you are. And what makes you unique.

Each time you bow down to someone and give in to them. You are giving them power over you. There is nothing wrong with compromising. I am not saying that all. Compromise is a key component  to healthy relationships. But compromise involves both sides giving in a little. Not one side always giving in.

I guess if you remain true to yourself, and don’t intentionally hurt others, you are on the right path. In the end, if you are happy with who you are, and you take care of yourself…that energy will shine through. And the people around you will benefit from it. Even if you are not bending over backwards to make sure everyone is pleased with you…all the time.

10 replies »

  1. Umm.. I didn’t read all of it, I’m being honest, but I know the results – I’ll love it! Saving some for later…
    And please let me know of some words, umm.. a lot many in fact, that would equal your high-reaching levels of talent. My vocabulary is very poor for your work.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have faced this question, too, as I was all over the genre board with my initial blog. You may find, as I did, that it works better to divide the different aspects of your writing into separate blogs. But that has its disadvantages, too. Like, once you start, where do you quit? 🙂
    Thanks for the Like and the Follow on my poetry blog.

    Like

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