Hello Everyone! This is the first ever guest post on my blog. It was written by Ryan Adams, a 22 year-old college student from Boston. I am sure you will enjoy his work!
“Nice to Meet You, I’m Anxious” – Written By: Ryan Adams
“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” – Charles Spurgeon
Anxiety… unfortunately… runs my life.
Whether it is ordering food at Dairy Queen, or worrying about my impending college graduation; no interaction comes without anxiety, and no thought comes without a certain level of worry. This fact, while debilitating at times, has now become a source of strength and guidance. (Not that breaking a sweat over standing in line to order chicken tenders is especially fun.)
Let me start at the beginning of this story, which is hard to pin down. But, I think starting at the end of the worst year of my young life sounds about right. Freshman year of college was a train wreck. I missed home but I really hated that I couldn’t be on my own without missing home so much. I loved school but for every reason except the school aspect. I was too concerned with making friends and partying. Wrongly, I thought that’s what life was all about. Then I almost got kicked out of school, and my home life was full of guilt and anger. Sophomore year was a little better, but I wasn’t happy. That’s where the story turns.
Two years later, with plenty of ups and downs in between, I feel excited about the litany of decisions I have to make. The change has been all about perspective, and it has a lot to do with the quote I opened with. Charles Spurgeon was a pastor in 19th century Britain (so I am pretty sure we do not have much in common.) But, human emotions span throughout time, and I felt like Spurgeon was talking directly to me.
I have broken my anxiety into two types: The “R-E-L-A-X” type and the “A-game” type.
The “R-E-L-A-X” type is the silly one. It’s the every day interactions that I over think, which leads to avoidance. And, in the end, I wind up only hurting myself. So, now, I take a deep breath and let it all go!
“A-game” is what I think about. The anxiety I get thinking of whether I want to chase my dream of working for the NFL, or my dream of travelling while still working, or to just go off the map and go to Europe for a year. The anxiety I get before a date or before a big test. It’s the anxiety that says, “This is important and you don’t know what the hell you are doing.”
I’ve come to realize that it’s okay; I don’t have to know exactly what I am doing. A movie line comes to mind that I cannot place right now but to paraphrase…
“I think about it real hard, consider every detail possible and still do not know the answer. Then I just stop, let it go and POP! There’s my answer, there’s my solution, my plan of attack. Or maybe no answer comes and I ride by the seat of my pants.”
So now anxiety does not run my life into the ground, but rather alerts me to what I should take seriously and what I should let go. It reminds me that I don’t always have the answers, but that I should probably just go for it anyway. It’s my Anxiety-Game, the A-Game.
I still have no clue what I am doing post-graduation, but at least I am super excited to figure it out and learn a whole bunch in the process.
About the Author: Ryan is a 22 year-old senior at Bentley University in Waltham, Massachusetts (10 miles from Boston). He will be graduating in the spring of 2015, with a degree in managerial economics. He has a passion for sports, especially the NFL, and loves movies and music. His love of writing is life-long and he hopes to do more of it in the future.